The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
