I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
