Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
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