Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
