Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
