i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
