Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
