Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize