she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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