I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
