the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think my moral compass just broke
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
