WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
