i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
