There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
