a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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