he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
