So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize