Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
