I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
