I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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