So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
one might say we're banned from that church
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did I show you my penis last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize