He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
