Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
