yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
