Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
