Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
