She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
