dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
