Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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