i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
