You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
