do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
