Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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