Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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