Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
