we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
