this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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