You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
