he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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