After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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