i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
