she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
