Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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