She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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