If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
