Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
