All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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