Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
