I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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