I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't deserve a penis
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
