Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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