Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
