I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
