He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
