Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
