Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
