Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
