last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
