so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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