i used baking grease as lip gloss
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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