Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
