college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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