I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
