Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Will you blow on my dice?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize