His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
