I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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