eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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