so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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